I think this is what Kurt Cobain was talking about when he wrote about sadness and pain. I wasn't interested in other men, and I was still sad about missing you. Nonetheless, dates felt empty and pointless. I take that back no one compared to the version of you I wanted to believe you were. I tried to distract myself by dating other people, but no one compared to you. I'd wind up at your place, in your sheets and wake up feeling lonely and ashamed, driving home wondering why I couldn't tell you "no." We'd go a few weeks without talking – which was torture for me – and I'd get a “hey stranger, I miss you” text. Each chapter would end exactly the same. It's like you could feel when I'd start moving on. ![]() #Just as long as you love me the browns how toYou always knew how to keep me hanging on by a thread. Instead, you turned into the charming man who suddenly remembered what romance was and told me I deserved so much more. I begged you to tell me that we were nothing, to tell me to let go and move on. I literally asked you to tell me that you didn't give a shit about me. You pursued me until I was wrapped so tightly around your finger that you didn't have to try anymore. What pisses me off the most is the fact that in the beginning, I didn't want a relationship with you and you constantly questioned my reasoning behind that. What pisses me off the most isn't the fact that you didn't want a relationship with me. I'd given you multiple opportunities to be upfront and honest with me about the nature of our relationship. You knew how much I cared for you, but you chose to deceive me because you couldn't risk jeopardizing your roster. Any stresses you carried, I would have gladly carried for you, without question. I went out of my way to do everything in my power to make your life easier - happier. They showed me this is not a flaw on my behalf, these are flaws that lie deeply rooted within yourself and nothing I could have done would have changed that. I'm sure you'll deny they ever happened, but I'm grateful for experiencing those moments with you. I eventually realized, these were nothing more than 35-year-old, grown-man temper tantrums. I would tell myself you must care about me if you trusted me enough to share those weaknesses. At first, this was just another reason for me to hang on to you. #Just as long as you love me the browns fullIn a few weak, drunken moments of accidental full disclosure, you shared how lonely you truly are. You've been parading around with this mask on, this façade everyone recognizes you as, and you've forgotten who you really are. I can now so clearly see why you couldn't handle it you don't have a genuine connection to offer. A woman who wasn't impressed by your $1,200 dinner dates and your fancy cars. You couldn't handle being with a woman who didn't need you, but wanted you. But eventually, I think it became a little intimidating for you, which is why coping with this now is easier for me. I trusted you with my heart and you wouldn't even give me the time of day when it wasn't completely convenient for you.Īt first, I think you felt refreshed by the fact that I just wanted to come over, order sushi and turn on the football game by the fireplace. I don't even know what to call this kind of heartbreak. I felt pathetic for so long because I let you break my heart, but that means I gave it to you in the first place. Typically, these were the times where the pain of loving you felt so unbearable that I'd tell you we should move on from one another. You kept me at bay, saying just the right things at all the right times. I let you sideline me because you had me convinced your dreams and your ambitions were more relevant than mine. You're a star at what you do, and I would never argue that, but I failed to recognize how much your ego was dulling my own shine. We're both in pursuit of chasing dreams larger than life you're busy building this self-proclaimed empire and I'm so full of wanderlust and an insatiable desire to explore, learn and create. ![]() ![]() Letters I kept stored in a folder titled “broken paragraphs." I grabbed my laptop and my notebook and began going through all my half-written drunken “letters” about you. After a year of torturing myself and refusing to remove you from my life, I woke up and felt nothing. ![]() One morning I woke up and felt an indescribable sense of relief.
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